Saturday, 8 January 2011

Chapter 9: Water, water everywhere and there's more than a drop to drink:Toxic Homeopathic Underdose

The good homeopath induces or worsens the disease, the great homeopath misleads the patient into thinking they have the disease.
Allen A. Alan, British Placebologist and Alternative Scientist, 10.23 am – Present

Illness: Toxic Homeopathic Underdose
Discovered by: On January 30th 2010, more than four hundred homeopathy sceptics nationwide took part in a mass homeopathic 'overdose'. Apparently the aim was to demonstrate that as homeopathic remedies contain no active ingredients then they can’t lead to overdose or side-effects. The public would then become aware that these homeopathic treatments contain nothing. As these events occurred some time ago at the time of writing it is now appropriate for an alternative scientific explanation of these events in relation to the central homeopathic concept of, “too little, too late”.
That this event required formal placebological description was flippantly documented by Dr Dean Burnett, a neuroscientist or brain-smith and reported to the office of Dr Alan. Sadly Dr Alan was on a working holiday documenting the effects of exposure to night rainbows on eye psoriasis. Luckily the pigeon that reads and transcribes Dr Alan’s e-mails was patient and was able to pass this urgent scientific note on at once. It is Dr Alan’s fondest hope that this meeting of these three great scientific minds will go down as one of the most existing stories in the history of placebology. Jonty feels that this would be quite a “coo.” This may be a mistranslation due to his pigeon English. Dr Burnett was not contacted but we can assume he agrees based on nothing.
Epidemiology: Primarily there are two concepts that need to be addressed. The group of 400 people who attempted homeopathic “overdose” were clearly highly educated placebologists with a sound understanding of homeopathic principles. As homeopathic medicine becomes stronger the more it is diluted and shaken about a bit, the more you take the less powerful it becomes. The real danger is the toxic homeopathic underdose.  It is reported that many and possibly lots of people place their lives at risk of homeopathic poisoning by not taking any homeopathic medicine at all. Luckily the actual occurrence of toxic homeopathic underdose is extremely rare due to the fact that people drink water. This goes some way to provide a massive dose of natural background homeopathy and leave the majority with only mild symptoms of underdose. The people at most risk of underdose are dehydrated scientists.
Aetiology: As already partially described, homeopathy definitely works and no joking by attempting to cause symptoms in people already experiencing symptoms. What happens next then right, is that the body notices the new symptoms that it already has and cures them itself. Hold onto your hats though because how homeopathic remedies are made is by adding something that produces the symptoms you want to some water and then adding more and more water until there is none of what you originally added left in the water. But wait then it gets good, you shake the water a bit and it can remember what was in it. It only remembers the stuff you want it to remember though, not all the dinosaur shit and pheasant urine and negative vibes from grumpy frogs before you try to get smart. The aetiology of the toxic homeopathic underdose can be simply and logically deduced from these basic underlying principles of the real thing that is homeopathy and its well clever way of reinterpreting all of physics and biology.
The less of an active homeopathic ingredient present in a remedy the more powerful it is. Therefore those that do not take any homeopathic remedies at all are at risk of experiencing enormous, throbbing homeopathic effects and the severe symptoms of a toxic homeopathic overdose. As has already been hinted at, people and animals and plants and chiropractors tend to consume water. While not acting as proper homeopathic remedies like you can buy in the shops for money, the water is at least likely to contain a trace of homeopathic remedy that has been flushed down a toilet in disgust. This provides a small enough dose to place most people safely in the territory of homeopathic overdose or at least remove their risk of underdose. The safe background level of homeopathy that an individual must be exposed to to avoid toxic homeopathic underdose is known as the Two Short Plank’s Constant.
Symptoms: Symptoms experienced by the patient depends exactly on which homeopathic remedy that they haven’t taken. For example if they haven’t taken a homeopathic remedy that is designed to cause them to have toothache when they already have toothache then their teeth will lapse into tremendous pain, fall out and then explode removing their big toes. The events described will not necessarily occur in that order. Conversely if the individual has not taken a homeopathic remedy that is designed to induce the symptoms of a homeopathic underdose of a homeopathic remedy that is designed to induce toothache when they already have toothache then their teeth will do something too complicated to work out right now. I don’t know, they’ll probably jump up into the patient’s brain or something. My brain hurts.
As such it is vital that any placebologist attempting to diagnose a toxic homeopathic underdose has an unwieldy manual explaining the effects of all the homeopathic remedies. Or you can guess if you like. It’s up to you really.
Treatment: The prevention of toxic homeopathic underdose is seemingly straightforward. Simply taking some of the homeopathic remedy that will cause the symptoms that you might have if you don’t take it should be enough to avoid a dreadful fate. As already stated drinking water may be enough to avoid this. But are you willing to take that chance? Best to spend your money and a homeopathic practitioner can give you some indistinguishable water just in case. This is real value as they might also give you some dangerous advice.
 If a patient is already suffering from the symptoms of an underdose then this is understandably more complex. Homeopathic theory realistically states that a defect in the life force of the individual is going to exist because of stuff that they say. In placebological terms a “defect in the life force” can be more accurately described as alternative physical damage to the alternative body. As such alternative surgery may be required to repair this damage. This can involve anything from something to something else. The most common alternative surgery performed is homeopathic surgery where the surgeon does not perform a certain complex operation and the defect repairs itself. Through principles we have already explored, letting a homeopathic surgeon actually perform surgery would be extremely dangerous and should never occur.
For more information on the 10:23 campaign and why homeopathic remedies don’t work and the harm caused by homeopathic practitioners you can click on this link or the link above. Away with you now!

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